how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
