And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
