My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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