i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
