I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
