Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
