I wanna bring you to show and tell
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize