A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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