someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
