The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
