i think my tv is drunk
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
