i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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