my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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