You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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