Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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