Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
