Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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