Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
this hospital has no fireball
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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