I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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