Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
