It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
