I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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