The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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