An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize