i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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