Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
