why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
