Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
