what day is it and did you see me today?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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