so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize