I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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