You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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