yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
