Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
