so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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