She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
