Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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