dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
