my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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