this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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