I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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