The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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