i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
