whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
