the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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