sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
