I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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