we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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