Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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