I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
