This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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