i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
