He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
