dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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