So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
