party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
