I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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