I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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