There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
