i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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