My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i think my cat just said my name.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
