Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
