my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
FUCK WHALES
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
