So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
