ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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