stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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