we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
