I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
