"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
