i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
