maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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