ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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