all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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