Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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