I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
