he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
