Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
