I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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