At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
