you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
